So Ive been spending my Columbus Day hanging out at home, cleaning various things around the house. My hopelessly overstuffed email inbox, the bathtub, the kitchen countershell, I just dusted the toaster, for heavens sake. And since cleaning doesnt require much brainpower, Ive been pondering whether or not spending time dusting my toaster means Im crazy.
Im reminded of the scene in
Sex, Lies, and Videotape when Andie MacDowells character is seen scrubbing various surfaces in her kitchen, obsessively shining the faucet on the sink. Clearly this is a shorthand way of explicating her inner turmoil: she tries to restore precise order and cleanliness to the outside world as her inner world is being buried under giant dust bunnies and growing various species of mildew. So whenever I put on the rubber gloves (whose package always has a well-manicured smiling woman on itshouldnt it show a person, lightheaded from bleach fumes, trying not to hurl while clearing out the shower drain?) I start thinking about being crazy.
Am I crazy? I would much rather have things clean than dirty. I sincerely wish my whole house were a giant dishwasher-like device whereby I could walk outside, flip a giant lever, and come back in an hour to a sparkling, steamy, and well-nigh sterile environment. Although, think of the water bill. Then again, no one could accuse me of being obsessively clean. Id rather wait until things get
really dusty or dirty and then its so much more satisfying to see their transformation back into shiny things you might actually want to touch or walk on or whatever. That seems like a reasonable desire to have in ones life. If I werent overwhelmed by liberal guilt at the thought, I might even pay someone to clean things for me once in a while, and I wouldnt have the opportunity to ponder my possible state of insanity. So perhaps my behavior fails the crazy test, where I ask myself whether its affecting my life to the point where other people notice, or it harms my relationships, or I find myself curled into a fetal position when I realize that the mold on the bathroom ceiling spells
CHENEY/HANNITY 2008. If thats crazy, then I suppose the whole world is right there with me, and thus the asylum has become the whole world.
Have you ever noticed how much dust accumulates on desk chairs? Its downright frightening. Remind me not to look down while Im writing these posts.